dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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