I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
