The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
