Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We left the knife in your bed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
