do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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