he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
