What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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