Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
