barbara walters just said penis...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
