Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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