dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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