I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
