I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
