Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
