New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize