:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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