we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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