Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
