I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
