I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
