There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
