my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
