just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
