I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
