just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
