Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
