yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
