Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
