so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
