I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
