i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
