Can i not drive my cunt home
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
