i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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