just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
