I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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