I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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