Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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