I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
