The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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