um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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