Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
