is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
