My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i've created a new STD.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
