Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
