remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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