I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
