When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
