I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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