His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
