were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
