i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize