So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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