i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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