I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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