Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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