I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
