Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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