Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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