Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
