i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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