He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
