Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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