they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
