do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
