So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
