Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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