nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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