Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think i got beer on your cat.
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