i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
