omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They took my balls.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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