i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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