Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
