Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
