HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize