about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
