they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
only if we run a train.
done.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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