I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
