dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
