I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
