I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this just has baby written all over it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
